Sparkles erupt from the sunlight dancing across facets of my
ring as I admire it for the umpteenth time on my left hand. “Engaged”. A term I
was quite despondent of hearing applied to me. Many years of loneliness and
several years of scars seemed to culminate in a fear of being alone for life. But when 2013 rolled around I determined that
things would change in my life. Something had to give – the same just couldn’t
continue. And so I started planning a move. Changes. Becoming something I wanted to be, instead of just allowing
myself to just be. I traveled. I took
thousands of photos. I created art. And I opened up my heart to someone quite
unexpected.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It all started with a facebook post about scars – and
wondering how to heal from them. I had a comment from a family friend I’d not
heard from in over a decade so I thought I would PM and say a proper hello. We
chatted a little about my status, life, and what we were doing these days. A
few days later we chatted again, and from then on it became an off and on
conversation. Reminiscing about our lives growing up as kids in the same
homeschool group, me finding old pictures from various events our families did,
and laughing at how young we were. He was sweet, caring, funny, and “got” my oddities.
We bonded over sunrise photos and dreams of travels and sharing life with a
partner one day. And then I went on a 10-day trip to England. The time difference, and lack of texting abilities showed me that
perhaps this guy meant a little more to me than I thought. And
I don't know if it was the time difference, or the miles between, but
our talks turned deeper, and I saw a side of him that I didn't know about. Depth, heart, respect, dreams, passions, love of God, kind of
old fashioned, beautiful soul. He sent me pictures of the sunset every
day, because he knew I couldn't see them. And he would write. His words reached
into a part of me that had never been touched before. He treats me like
a woman - and an equal. I was confused, and
didn’t really know what to do or how to feel. We finally talked on the phone shortly
thereafter and just talked and talked. Over nothing and over everything. His strong,
soothing voice sounded so nice and comforting, and he made me laugh. Because
you know, I “dearly love to laugh”.
Had I really, finally, truly met MY "Mr. Darcy"?? It was then I decided to let go of all my fears and just
trust this wonderful, sweet man who, with his words, actions, and attitudes,
had unbeknownst to me, been chipping away the hardened protective pieces of my
heart to reveal something soft, warm, loving, and ready. Ready to take a
chance, take a leap – to tremulously give something so precious to life in the
care of another – my heart. Time and time again, he showed me, and continues to
show me, how much he cares for me, and accepts me for ME. Faults, failures,
silliness, artsiness, day dreaminess, intellect, humor, passion, and all. We
met “in person” not too many weeks later, because although we knew each other
years ago, it was on a different level - annoying little brother’s friend, vs
now as adults… he as a man, myself as a woman. And so our relationship
blossomed. And it was “easy” It was as it should be. Comfortableness with each
other like we’d already been together for years…
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