All my childhood, teenagehood and young adulthood was spent dreaming of and searching for "Mr. Right". Found him (or thought I did), dated and married him. Three years later I'm typing this in the aftermath of a divorce. He left ME. He cheated on ME. He wasn't attracted to ME anymore. Abandonment, rejection, betrayal, pain, hurt... these are a few of the emotions that I have felt for the past two years. Now, don't get me wrong - I know I'm better off without him, because he emotionally drowned me. I have no idea who that person was that I became while married to him. You know the feeling of when you are at a concert and the music is so loud that you hear the buzzing for an hour afterwards? Well, that is what I felt like... that I had a buzzing in my ears and really did not know what was going on around me for the past two years.
So my question is - how do I change directions in my life? When all I was looking for before was the person I would marry. And now I am not. What do I do? How do I figure out who I am and what I should or want to do? I can't live my life in an "escape", nor do I want to. But what DO I do? How do you completely change your mind from what it had been like for 20 years?
That is my cry, my angst - the quest of my soul...
2 comments:
You start listening to yourself and what you want. Forget the world. It will be there regardless of what you do. But you may not be the same and the world won't care either. So all you got is yourself and your God given ability to do something. At this point it doesn't matter what. Just do something. Then from something will come another thing. Then something else. Pretty soon the world will be a different place and you will be asking again, "how did I get here"? Its a mystery.
First you start with a passion such as your photography like you did in Yellowstone. Then you take a photo and maybe more to get what you were looking for. At first it may seem daunting like it did when you first learned to ride a bike or take your first steps but after a while you master it. It is as if you almost forgot the fear in what you first learned and now its seemingly effortless. I pray this finds you comfort.
Enjoy your journey and learning to live again Ms. Georgia Peach
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