It started with scars....

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Sparkles erupt from the sunlight dancing across facets of my ring as I admire it for the umpteenth time on my left hand. “Engaged”. A term I was quite despondent of hearing applied to me. Many years of loneliness and several years of scars seemed to culminate in a fear of being alone for life.  But when 2013 rolled around I determined that things would change in my life. Something had to give – the same just couldn’t continue. And so I started planning a move. Changes. Becoming something I wanted to be, instead of just allowing myself to just be. I traveled. I took thousands of photos. I created art. And I opened up my heart to someone quite unexpected.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all started with a facebook post about scars – and wondering how to heal from them. I had a comment from a family friend I’d not heard from in over a decade so I thought I would PM and say a proper hello. We chatted a little about my status, life, and what we were doing these days. A few days later we chatted again, and from then on it became an off and on conversation. Reminiscing about our lives growing up as kids in the same homeschool group, me finding old pictures from various events our families did, and laughing at how young we were. He was sweet, caring, funny, and “got” my oddities. We bonded over sunrise photos and dreams of travels and sharing life with a partner one day. And then I went on a 10-day trip to England. The time difference, and lack of texting abilities showed me that perhaps this guy meant a little more to me than I thought. And I don't know if it was the time difference, or the miles between, but our talks turned deeper, and I saw a side of him that I didn't know about. Depth, heart, respect, dreams, passions, love of God, kind of old fashioned, beautiful soul. He sent me pictures of the sunset every day, because he knew I couldn't see them. And he would write. His words reached into a part of me that had never been touched before. He treats me like a woman - and an equal. I was confused, and didn’t really know what to do or how to feel. We finally talked on the phone shortly thereafter and just talked and talked. Over nothing and over everything. His strong, soothing voice sounded so nice and comforting, and he made me laugh. Because you know, I “dearly love to laugh”.

Had I really, finally, truly met MY "Mr. Darcy"?? It was then I decided to let go of all my fears and just trust this wonderful, sweet man who, with his words, actions, and attitudes, had unbeknownst to me, been chipping away the hardened protective pieces of my heart to reveal something soft, warm, loving, and ready. Ready to take a chance, take a leap – to tremulously give something so precious to life in the care of another – my heart. Time and time again, he showed me, and continues to show me, how much he cares for me, and accepts me for ME. Faults, failures, silliness, artsiness, day dreaminess, intellect, humor, passion, and all. We met “in person” not too many weeks later, because although we knew each other years ago, it was on a different level - annoying little brother’s friend, vs now as adults… he as a man, myself as a woman. And so our relationship blossomed. And it was “easy” It was as it should be. Comfortableness with each other like we’d already been together for years…  

Go West Youn Man!!! err... Woman!

“Wait, you’re moving?” “Where?” “Why?” “To Teaxas?!!?”

These questions have bombarded me the past month or so as people have begun to find out that I am moving… and not just moving down the road but to an entirely difference state! I realize that it may seem kind of “out of the blue” for many of you to find out, but for those closest to me – It’s not quite the shocker.  J

You all have followed my travels and trips across the years. The travel bug bit me when I was a teenager and it has never left. In fact it keeps drawing me to more travel, especially when I add the photography bent that has blossomed in my life! The fact that I do love travel so much is rather an oxymoron considering I have lived within the same 15 square miles my entire life. My childhood years were spent ten minutes the road in a tiny house with a fabulous backyard and a “taco shell” tree (magnolia tree) in the front. And my teen/twenties were spent just ten minutes down the road in another direction with a huge backyard and wonderful grandparents across the street. My thirties have been in a small apartment 5 minutes one way, or a larger apartment 5 minutes the other way, and currently my ISP is plopped right in the middle of a wonderful pasture with cows, gorgeous sunsets, coyotes in the distance… and a barn house. The bubble of my life is truly small. And yet, the bubble of my passions is vast.

And it is the passion that has grown, slowly but surely over the years, that is calling me west.

To be continued… 

Dreams

One of my friends had this quote as a post back this past spring, and it has resonated with me every since...

"We all have dreams, but they don't mean much if we don't act on them. If we put them in a drawer we label "someday" for when we think we'll have more time."

Time is precious.
Dreams are precious.
You are precious.
I am precious.

Don't wait.
Dream your dreams.
Then live your dreams.

The Sounds of Silence

It is without a doubt, been a horrendously long time since my last blog post. Time passes so quickly these days, although often it feels quite the opposite. Regardless, tonight I was inspired whilst sitting outside, beside my tiny little fire pit, with words that would not end. They flitted through my mental synapses so vividly that it warranted penning them to paper... 

"The Sounds of Silence" may illicit feelings of being an oxymoron, yet there rarely ever is TRUE silence. So what were the sounds that assaulted my senses this evening? The crackle of the wood burning in my fire. Crickets chirping in the fields. An owl singing its morose, rhythmic song in the far distance. Coyotes beginning their cry a little closer than my liking prefers. The jingle sound of my dog pacing anxiously behind me, quite unsure about the whole "fire pit thing." My evening progressed with more of my senses being touched as the smokey smell of the burning wood instantly connected me with numerous other fond memories of my times around a fire pit. The colors of the fire reflected in my eyes, as they danced the night away. The tendrils of rolling fog that swirled above me causing the yellow light of the security pole outside my house to radiate more warm tones. The darkness of the sky above me, any stars hidden from my view by the giant tree whose branches spread above me in a canopy of darkness, under-lit by the fire and yellow tones. The coolness of the October air danced across my skin, causing goosebumps from the chill on one side, whilst the other side of me basked in the warmth of the fire.

These sounds of silence reached into my soul this evening - causing me to embrace the silence, the solitary moments, the alone time. I've learned a lot during my times of silence, and discovered so many parts that contain beauty. It's helped me become strong, confident, and to believe in myself. So, dear sounds of silence, I thank you on this first day of October - a month in 2013 in which I embark on a new path on this journey called life...  

Life is just a dash...

Yesterday my family buried my dear sweet Papa... he was the best grandfather anyone could ask for. Part of my tribute to him was to speak at his funeral. Public speaking is by no means my forte, but it was fitting for me to do so. I'd love to just share with you my heart in what I said...

"There are not enough words to describe to you the unique man that was our Papa. 

He always helped us grandkids and was so proud of all our accomplishments. He and granny came to as many of our events as they possibly could, including every graduation, sport event, recital, and birthday party. It was a tradition that he and granny made each birthday special by singing, quite off key, the “Happy Birthday” song. Papa always insisted that even if they had a gift, no card should be without something in it. If you received money for your birthday, it was always a random amount because of that extra one-dollar bill they would give you in the card.

Papa was always game for any harebrained idea that us grandkids came up with – although I might have been the one that took the prize for the most random and continuous ideas.  (and my mom can attest to that) I can't tell you how many times he came over with some shelf or contraption I had thought up, and he had made. Pretty much if you could draw it out, Papa could build it!  

He would help you with anything. From checking the oil in your car to sitting with my brother to taking granny out with her “gallivanting around”. 

He wasn’t a huge talker, but when he told a story – it was always fascinating.

He loved the outdoors, and had a garden pretty much up until about 10 years ago. I remember helping him pick okra, snap & shell peas and beans, picking tomatoes. Watching him run the rototiller, and using a hoe to mold the earth into neatly shaped rows for planting. One time I had the bright idea of planting cotton. He thought I was a little crazy, but hey – we did it and low and behold I had about three cotton plants! I still have the few tufts of cotton that I picked from my plants. He could literally grow anything.

He was kind, gentle, firm, funny, ornery, stubborn, smart, wise, full of laughter and smiles, always teaching, friendly, and caring. He didn’t have a good education, but was one of the smartest men I know. His gorgeous blue eyes crinkled with love and his steady voice always said "love you", and then he’d give you a big kiss on the cheek. He was a strong man with a strong heart who knew no enemies. 


Such accolades would sometimes seem to be too much for one person to fulfill – but somehow Papa truly filled them all.

There are seven of us lucky enough to be his grandchildren, one his great-grandchild, but sometimes I feel as if I’m the luckiest of the bunch. See, I’m the oldest grandchild. I had granny and papa all to myself for six years, and for about fourteen years I was the only girl. So yes, I was a bit spoiled by my grandparents! 

But the love of grandparents doesn’t diminish with more grandkids – rather it expands and grows. We all feel special and loved by our granny and papa, so much so that we didn’t mind sharing him with many of you. He adopted so many of you into his life and truly was a Papa to you too..." 

Its a New Year

The speed in which 365 days pass is astonishing. As a child the days seemed never ending, as an adult they tick by all too quickly. As with any new year, I tend to ponder what "new and astounding" thought will hit me during the celebrations. And true to form, this year was no different.

My office was closed this past week, and I decided to take advantage of the vacation time and take a road trip to visit my "sister" in Ohio. My little niece is six months old and I wanted to see her while she was still an adorable, babbling baby. Not that she won't always be adorable, but those baby days are so short lived. Jess and I had a lot of fun hanging out and of course, Ani was a delight to play with. Her little chubby cheeks, strawberry blond wisps of untamed hair, blue/gray eyes like her momma, and jovial little attitude were a joy to experience. But all good things must come to an end, so my day today was spent driving the long nine hours home.

While driving, I crossed many, many bridges and over passes and realized a few things while driving south. The caution signs on bridges up north, are very different from the ones in the south. At home, our caution signs say, "Bridge MAY ice in winter". A bit farther north in the Kentucky/Virginia area, you begin to see signs that say, "Bridge ices before road". And of course, when you get up north the signs say, "Watch for ice on bridge".

To me, there's a 'lesson' to be observed. Different times or aspects in our life call for varying levels of attention. There are some things that don't happen often or are that important. They should only garner our attention when it "MAY" ice. It's not that we forget them entirely, but they shouldn't be at the forefront of our minds. Then there are the things that are a bit more important, and show up more often. Therefore, we should know roughly when they are occurring and pay attention to them at that point. And finally of course, there are the things that should have our constant attention. They WILL cause problems if not treated with great care and concern.

So my thoughts and challenge for 2012? Well it is to figure out where the things/events/people/projects, etc. in my life fall in regards to these three categories and to treat them with the level of observation they each require.

22 Days 'till Christmas

Today was a busy day for me, but still filled with Christmas cheer. I was a vendor at a nearby school selling my photo prints "Letters to Live By". It was five hours of watching kids and parents enjoy Christmas festivities - and of course, shopping! I enjoyed the ability to help people find a creative, yet personal gift for their family and friends. Yes, photography is a passion and creative love that I have - but seeing the faces of people as they observe my art, warms my heart so much. Especially the flash of "oh wow! I love it!" that occurs in their eyes. I want to always bring joy and happiness to others.

I'm an interesting hybrid mix of being detail oriented, but also encompass an artistic flair. I LOVE my eclectic personality - I'd rather be a jack of all trades, than a master of only one!

facebook.com/jenniferannphotography7

23 Days 'till Christmas

Today was the first ever KidStuf at my church. It's an event just where kids get to bring their parents to church. Nothing like you think of at all when it comes to church. Lots of music, singing, games, skits, and other general hilarity as parents and kids hang out together - picnic style - in the auditorium. I love it so much!! Such a great way to jump start the month of December...

24 Days Of Christmas

It amazes me how quickly the year has passed. I can't believe that Christmas is just a few short weeks away! I remember when I was a kid it seemed as if Christmas took for-EVER to arrive. Not so anymore! I feel like the countdown speeds up each year and that acquiring the "Christmas Cheer" is nigh impossible until its almost too late. (and NO, I'm not going to sing 'loudly for all to hear')

However, I will say that perhaps the christmas spirit has arrived at a decent time for me this year. I was able to take a very short Christmas trip to Disney World. And trust me - if anyone can put you in the mood for Christmas, it is most certainly the Magic Kingdom! Tonight I experienced the "Osbourne Family Lights Spectacular" at MGM Hollywood Studios. All I can say is WOW!!!!! What a light show...  So from me to you - may the lights below inspire your mind and heart towards Christmas!

October 8

Who knew that mowing the lawn could actually be fun?

When I was a teenager, cutting the grass was my "job". Every week during the spring and summer for probably 6+ years I would hop on the old red riding lawnmower and mow my parents one acre yard. Do you remember those red mowers from the 90's? The kind where you had to hold down the blade with your foot? Yup - that was the one we had! Not particularly fast, very uncomfortable, and horrible to turn. When I first started cutting the grass, I used it as a tool to practice driving, and then it merely became a way to tan. I treated that poor lawnmower with great disrespect, throwing it into the 5th speed and bouncing directly into holes. (Why I don't know - bouncing around on a semi-cushioned seat is not fun) Three hours later, and covered in dust, I would be finished and earn my ten bucks.

When I turned 20, I "suddenly" developed allergies to grass... either that or it was my excuse to get out of it, so I only occasionally mowed the lawn after that. It was about this time that old red decided to die, and my parents bought a spanking new yellow lawnmower with a nice cushioned seat, wider blade, bigger tires, and faster speeds. My Papa took over the lawns at that point (grandparents live across the street), so he would cut both yards.

Fast forward about ten years to the past two. I lost my job in January of 2010, and had a difficult time finding work for a while. So, I went back to mowing the lawn. This time it was BOTH yards and there was a pay raise. Yellow lawnmower and I tooled around the yard, typically on high speed, before it decided to bite the dust a couple of months ago. Before it went to the lawn mower graveyard, I had tried to convince my dad that he really, REALLY needed to purchase a Zero Turn lawnmower. The mac daddy of all lawnmowers. But alas, yellow was still in good condition at the time I spoke with him. About two months after that conversation, yellow bit the proverbial dust and dad purchased a Zero Turn.

Finally, my "need for speed" has been answered!!! What used to take me about three hours, now takes less than one. Granted, one cannot just hop on a zero turn without a lesson. It takes a few moments to "get it", because you are controlling everything with the handlebars. But after about fifteen minutes of playing around with it, I was good to go. Who knew that buzzing around the lawn could finally be so much fun?

October 7

It's a girls night!

Typically my girl friends and I hang out with a big group of friends - but tonight we decided that just the ladies needed on our own. A hotel room was secured and the primping began! After getting all dolled up, we had a fabulous dinner at a nearby restaurant and then went out dancing! We had a blast watching people, dancing like idiots, and enjoying some of the "scenery". It was definitely a night we all needed!

October 6

Tonight was going to be a lazy, stay at home evening whilst resting on the couch. But, that did not entirely occur. A late night invitation from some friends to play "bingo" at a nearby restaurant, piqued my curiosity. I'm not entirely sure that I have ever played bingo before, but it was actually quite fun and absolutely hysterical! I didn't win anything, but had a blast with my purple crayon, coloring in the numbered squares. The intensity on our faces as we colored was unbelievable. I've never seen grown adults to intense over random numbers!

October 5

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy."

Don't want to really elaborate, but this was a picture post that I saw on Facebook today and thought it was very appropriate to remember. Sometimes the letting go is hard, and other times it is easy. But as a dear friend of mine always says, 'Life is about Choices'. Dear reader, choose wisely... your life depends on it.

October 4

Today garnered a little more excitement at work than anywhere else. The building I work in is currently under construction and expansion, and we knew that about two weeks towards the end (which is now) would be complete disruption of our work life. We've already been jumbled around a few places (I've been there for six months and have moved been in three different offices). This morning when I walked up the stairs, the last two remaining offices that had NOT been disturbed, had been vomited into the hallway. Needless to say, the remaining work day was spent trying to find files, chairs and various other things we needed to work with. 


The GOOD news is that they will be DONE in two weeks! And I will actually have a real office, with a door that closes - and locks. With my own desk, chair, pens, etc. LOL I truly can say I have worked in almost every type of insane environment now.